After all the strife, and searching, and almost buying children's shoes... have I found THE ONES?
GREEN PUG SHOES.
I'm not sure they could be any more perfect. Except that they're Keds. And they're mildly heinous. And I would honestly never be caught dead in them. Mr Pug might immediately divorce me if I wore these to the wedding. I wouldn't blame him. But they're hilariously perfect. If you are truly interested, you can find them here.
A big thanks to Laura aka Miss Mojito from With This Ring, I Thee Blog, for sending me this and brightening my day!
Anyone else so wedding-theme focused sometimes that they end up with search results like these?