Wednesday, December 2, 2009


This is such a hard entry for me to write!

Thanksgiving was, well, a bust. I won't even go into the family drama but there were fights- about everything and anything, between the whole family and between just one or two people. Mr Pug was angered and made comments about how frustrating being around his family was, and that he wished we were just going to Vegas instead of having a big wedding that they would attend. FMIL pushed the issue, as if that was a good idea. Long story short, she told us she was not going to be giving us the monetary gift towards the wedding that she and her partner had promised. (I wrote about it on Weddingbee here since I wanted to vent but couldn't blog until I notified guests... just have to shout out for the support I got from the girls on there.)

Why the "take-back?" It's not clear. It's not that she doesn't "want to," but it seems to be about finances and personal issues. It's not right that she waited until 112 days before the wedding to tell us, after the STD's went out, and after some people had booked flights. Some things were said that made me upset but ultimately, Mr Pug and I had to and have to deal with this. Without the money we were promised, we knew we'd be unable to make ends meet for our wedding.

On his end, there was a lot of anger, frustration. Partly with his family and partly with the stress brought on by the wedding. On my end, there were lots of tears. And a lot of this:

I frantically searched for other options, VFW halls, Lions clubs, anything. I used my master spreadsheet for our reception venue to cut things. Even cutting the decorations and open bar wouldn't make it affordable. Part of it was frustrating though, because of that. Why should we have to pay the 20% and then sales tax on a meal? It makes sense I guess, but in our situation, it doesn't. Finally Mr Pug had an idea, that led to an idea, that led to an idea, and within a half an hour we had it figured out.

Our New Plan:

We are still having our ceremony as planned. Dresses, makeup, flower bouquets, PHOTOGRAPHY, organ playing, wedding party (hopefully!), and the works. After that... nothing.

Now, technically, we are planning to take our family and friends to dinner. But it won't be fancy and it has to be SMALL. We're not really openly sharing this news about the dinner with everyone. Our closest family and friends who can afford to will come to the ceremony, and then after RSVP's come in we'll invite the people closest to us to come out to dinner. It will be somewhat intimate and fun. Best of all, after that, we are inviting EVERYONE to hit the bars with us.

We're also letting people know that we'll have two casual, backyard celebrations this summer: one in Indianapolis, and one in New Jersey. That way, everyone can be involved this summer, and we can still celebrate with our guests. And... I get to plan two fun casual summer parties!

We had this idea on Monday, and then sat on it for a little while. I talked it over with my Mom (aka Wonder Woman, aka my ROCK) and she drafted an email to send family to let them know the change ASAP. I then worked off that and emailed my friends a similar message. Mr Pug will notify his family and friends soon as well, though they are much less affected (effected? whatever) by it as most of them live here or within driving distance. At least then they'll know that most of them won't be attending any sort of meal after the ceremony with us, and maybe some of them can make plans to go out to dinner together or to congregate at someone's house to continue the celebration before the after-party.

It was hard to email my friends... I feel horrible. It feels NASTY to say "oh we're having an intimate dinner after with pretty much just close family and the wedding party" (which I feel like could read as "we're doing something and NOT inviting YOU!") I also feel badly for those who booked flights and now may want to reconsider attending the ceremony, and would prefer to attend one of the summer celebrations. But I guess I can't let myself worry. If people want to come, and people can afford to come, they will. To something. And it will be because they care - which is what matters.

So is this still Miss Pug's "pawfect" wedding? Yes and no. It's not what I dreamed of as a little girl. In fact I haven't read wedding blogs since Saturday, it's too upsetting. A post about "which toasting flutes should we pick!?" made me want to throw the computer in jealousy. But we refuse to go into debt over an event, and we don't want to start our marriage out in debt. We already have student loans! We made a decision, and I'm trying to look on the bright side of things (like, perhaps, a casually Tuscan backyard celebration in NJ with limonata and lemoncello? Oh this is getting good! More planning!)

Up next? My super-wonderful crazy amazing invitation & STD designer Laurel whipped up a new "invitation" for me in like, hours. I can't wait to show you all!


  1. Oh honey. I read your tweet this morning but wow. That is so awful and I am so sorry.
    I am glad you have your mom, aka your ROCK.

    I am sorry you won't get the wedding you want but from what you have written of your new plans I bet it will be just as fun. Tell Mr Pug to go punch the wall, it will make him feel better.

    I am sure your friends will understand, if you don't have the $$$ then really.. you don't have the money.

    Have you looked into maybe going to a pub? We have had fundraisers in pubs where you get a meal and a beer included in the ticket, you get the back room or insome cases the whole pub. The if anyone wants anything else they can order it.... just an idea..

  2. oh, reading your post almost brought tears to my eyes. about 10 years ago, my bother and SIL had a very similar experience with parental $$ pull-out. THey scaled back, had a fabulous ceremony and modest reception at a local pub. NOT exactly the wedding of their dreams, but everyone had a great time, and the no-string attached nature was ultimately the best course. A decade later, they are happy, with two great kids. Remember - it's one day. Concentrate on the life ahead with Mr Pug.
    Best Wishes
    Agent99 - mom to Gen & the Foo

  3. I'm sorry you've had to go through all of this and that your wedding plans had to change. But it sounds like you're making the right choice (going into debt is definitely not worth it!) and I'm sure your family and friends will understand. It'll still be a celebration, even if it's not what you originally expected. You'll still be getting married, and that's what matters!

  4. I am so sorry to hear about all this Miss Pug! I so admire you and Mr. Pug for your outlook though and the quick thinking and plans!
    I too think your friends will understand. It's not like you planned for this to happen! While I am sure that it will take you some time to adjust to the new plan completely, I think once you are in your dress, on your special day, marrying the man you love, all this will be way behind you. After all, while all the blogging, planning, wedding decorations and so on can be fun, what's important is your journey together as a couple.
    Keep us updated and can't wait to see your new invitations!

  5. You know my thoughts, you know my feelings... still wanted to say I love you and am always here. Who knows... I've always WANTED to go to New Jersey in the summer ;)

  6. I'm soo so sorry to read this, but I know you'll make the day (and the other later celebrations) absolutely fabulous. I'm sure it's so hard to give up your dream, but it shows that you and Mr. Pug are more concerned about your marriage and your future (especially financially) together than your wedding, which is so important. I'm still excited to see your plans and how everything comes together!

  7. Aw I'm so sorry to read about this. Like LauraLou said "you'll make the day (and the other later celebrations) absolutely fabulous" and it's true. I wish you two the best and have a wonderful ceremony!

  8. So sorry for what you are going through...

  9. I want to give you a virtual hug (not cool of your FMIL to back out so late in the game), and at the same time I want to give you props for thinking fast and staying positive. I know you'll figure out a way to make it amazing, and in the end, you're going to be husband and wife with or without the party of your dreams and that's what really matters. :) Plus, who doesn't want multiple parties thrown throughout the summer?!?! And I bet the multiple locations will allow you to celebrate with friends and family who couldn't have originally made it to your day. You'll make it work, I can't wait to see your new invites!!

  10. Ms. Pugs...believe me...I have been there & have an ugly little postcard to prove it. I am definitely also giving you a virtual hug! I know that regardless of what you have, who you invite and where it is, it's going to be a GREAT celebration because it's to celebrate your love with Mr. Pugs. I'm excited to read more. Remember to keep your positive attitude... :)

  11. I'm so sorry! What an awful lot to have to go through over Thanksgiving weekend! I'm truly amazed that they would pull out their funds at the last minute. I know that whatever ends up happening, you WILL have a pawfect wedding. *hugs*

  12. I'm late with this. But, you know that I am loving the changes of plans and I am actually really excited to see how everything turns out! I'm glad that everything is going to be a-ok! :)

  13. I think that's every couple's worst nightmare. Im so sorry it happened to you. But it sounds like you rebounded pretty quickly and came up with a plan B that will work. Good luck! All that matters in the end is that you have each other.

  14. Aww I am so sorry to hear about all of this. I know it will all work out for you and you are right you don't need to go into debt. Everything will all work out, good luck and keep your head up.

  15. Just found your blog & we sound like we're having the same issues. Only instead of not being able to afford all we'd hoped for in a wedding...we're pushing ours back (originally scheduled for 8/28/10) to 2011 because the fiance has some excessive credit card debt that I just became aware of. I knew he had credit card debt...but how bad...I didn't know. So, I haven't actually called the venue yet because I am waiting because I don't want to keep calling and rescheduling and I have until April 2010 to do so...and by then I should have a better idea of when his debt will be gone. I just want him to take care of all that debt before we get married and wind up starting it off with a lot of financial fights. Sorry, I'm long winded...

  16. ughhhh we are going through some of the same issues right now a couple weeks ago my dad dropped the bomb (mainly because he is angry about my parents separation) that he prob won't be helping pay for things anymore and that it's all my mother's fault..we have been bracing for the changes to come and are already working on cutting our guest list and talking to the caterer about a much cheaper option to feed our guests something.