Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Table for Miss Pug, Pity Party of One?

I'm happy with our new wedding "situation." Truly, I am. I still get to get married on 3/20, we still get to use our kickass photographer, I still get to wear my dress. And, really, we do still get to celebrate. Mr Pug is ready to move on, which you can read more about here on Weddzilla. That being said, Mr Pug expects me to be happy with what we have decided on, since we have decided on it and are moving forward. And let's be clear... I am happy. We're not going to be any more in debt than we already are (DIE ALREADY 2009! YOU NEED TO BE OVER, MONEY-SUCKING YEAR FROM HELL!) and we will be MARRIED! The most important thing!

Ok now that I've cleared that with you all... it's time for some sad, bratty, "why-me?" venting. Originally, my family dominated our wedding guest list and my side was going to be all fluffy and full and vibrant and Jersey and fun.

What is it like now? Well let's see. I went over my "family & family friends" list with my Mom a night or two ago. My family & family friends list was at 91. Remember, huge family, tons of cousins? Guess where we are for "definites" now?

I'm going to wait a second for effect.

Because it's that sad.


Gratuitous sad picture here. Thanks for the sourpuss, Bugg.

Don't worry- it gets sadder. One of those 82 no-shows will be my Bridesmaid S. She was laid off and financially it won't work for her. And how can you NOT understand that? I am completely understanding about that situation- I was there! I missed a wedding I really wanted to go to because of my unemployment. But I'm still sad. She's the friend I've had the longest in my life and I'm sad she won't be there on this super-important-life-changing-day. Maybe I can make a life-size cardboard cut-out? (Maybe I can make them for ALL no-shows? And fill my side of the church? The side that was supposed to be overflowing and will now will be empty??? SCHEMES! I love them!)

To be fair, there are about 11 of the no-shows who my Mom said will be "not coming. I think." To which I said "OK THAT MEANS MAYBE!" But what it really means is my Mom is checking and they're "probably not" coming.

Of my twenty-five cousins? None. Maybe POSSIBLY one. She's on that elusive maybe list. They're the only true maybes- my aunt is trying to get 3 of her 5 airline tickets refunded so she and her daughter can come, but if she can't refund only 3 of the 5, they will all stay home.

From my friends, a few will still come, many didn't respond to my initial email, a bunch emailed me a "that's so sad we'll see you in the summer" type message basically saying they weren't coming, and a few were honest and candid about not being able to attend and were enthusiastic about the summer. This brings me to two issues: Mr Pug's friends & relatives, and our summer celebrations.

Regarding Mr Pugs' friends and family, they are mostly all here, in Indianapolis. Those who aren't here, were here previously, and have many family members and friends to stay with for free... unlike my friends and family. Which means, his side will be FULL. Not all will be able to come to our after-ceremony dinner, of course, but they'll be there at the church. They get to experience the wedding because they live here, or because they can easily get here. Life isn't fair, I know, yada yada, but it still makes me jealous and sad!

And the summer celebrations. Plural. Two. One for Indiana and one for New Jersey, which is pretty much one for Mr Pug's family and friends and one for mine. They won't all get to meet. None of my friends will fall madly in love with a Midwestern boy and live happily ever after growing corn on the Jersey shore.

Additionally... I'm not sure how seriously people will take them. They're backyard parties. I want people to be summer-dressy... sundresses and khakis, that sort of thing. I want people to put it on their calendar... not leave early for some other occasion. ZERO of my friends from New Jersey are engaged or married. I don't think it's a priority for some people at 24 years old... they don't get the same wedding excitement that I do. Which is totally fine. It might just be because I live far away, but the enthusiasm for my wedding hasn't much come out of the Garden State. Maybe if I lived there it would be different. And this could just be me playing the world's tiniest violin while crying inside and being a big baby. But I just feel like it will get the blow off from some people, which makes me sad. Hell, my Aunt did the same thing... the one Aunt who doesn't live in New Jersey, she lives in Arizona. Cool Aunt. And Cool Aunt got married in AZ, but had a backyard "reception" in New Jersey. I did not attend, since I had gotten a bad haircut that day.

I'm not even joking.

I was in middle school, so yea, I've matured a tad bit, but had it been a "real" wedding reception that evening, at a reception venue, would I have gotten out of it because of a bad haircut? Something to think about.

Ok that's enough whining for one day. Seacrest, OUT.


  1. I completely understand it all....I'll be getting married next year and we cannot afford the big fancy wedding I always wanted. And frankly, I do realize the impracticality of it...I'd rather spend the money on a honeymoon or the house. I get that. But its not even like we have the money and we're choosing to be frugal. No, we just don't HAVE the money. And secondly, even if I wanted the big wedding....I moved out here to Alabama...and I know for sure that none of my Los Angeles friends and family could come. Its a lot to ask in this economy. But I still sigh and get wistful and kinda sad about it.

    Terry tells me that maybe for an anniversary we'll have a big fancy party and I'll get that dream forfilled, you know?

    So, no, you're not whining too much. ***HUGS*** Besides, what are friends for if you can't vent to us??

  2. I can completely see why you'd be bummed. Some of my family and friends don't seem to care/take the wedding seriously either (like the co-worker who's had my STD for 2 months and hasn't even bothered to open it yet, grrr!). But try to keep your head up, all that really matters is you're marrying the love of your life, and just think about all the beautiful pictures you'll have together...and even more of them since you don't have to waste as much time on family pics!

  3. You are such an inspiration. You are handling this so elegantly and I admire you! I think I would be throwing fits left, right, and center. You have every right to be bummed, upset, furious, and you are showing so much understanding through it all. Family can always be tricky to deal with. Their reactions arent always what we expect. But you seem to have great perspective on what matters - you and your honey getting married! And like Nevis said, you can always vent over here! hugs!

  4. I'm so sorry for you. You can be sad all you want. I'll even help by playing the violin alongside of you. But it will still be okay. And maybe you can save some cash and eventually have a five-year-anniversary party that will make up for all of this.

  5. Awww! I'm sorry! That really stinks! I just don't have a big family, where the fiance has his huge family (dad has 9 siblings, mom has 3, fiance has 4) & church, I think I have 60 of the 200 invited. You so have a right to be sad though!! You're taking this extremely well!

  6. I feel for you my friend :(

    I am so proud of you for taking all of this in stride, and I bet that as you are able to delve into the parties for the summertime, that you will create something awesome, and despite everything, it is going to be amazing! I can't wait to see what you come up with :)

  7. Don't feel bad for feeling bad. I would totally be thinking about those things and bummed about them, too if I were in your position. And I think you have a great perspective. I always tell people "You have a right to your feelings for sure. Just don't dwell on them or let them rule your life in a negative or discouraging way." So don't feel bad for wanting to be bummed that your dreams aren't panning out how you'd hoped they would. A lot of my out of town family that I thought would definitely be coming seems to be giving me the 'We're just not sure now' comments lately which makes me sad but I completely understand why. In the end, these things won't bother you as much as they are try to stay focused on the prize :)

  8. Oh babes...I'm sorry you're feeling blue. Turn that frown upside down (corny, I know...don't judge me-lol). Like one of the previous posters said, don't feel down about feeling down. It's natural. I keep saying I want a small guest list but I know if it comes back really small I'll be down & then I'll get over it. Those who matter will be there & those that matter, but just can't...well, I'll make sure they feel like they're there. Stay up sweets!

  9. You know its good to vent. If you keep it inside you'll explode!


    At least you're still marrying your sweetie.

  10. wait a second - are you saying that 82 guests decided that if there was not some fancy pants party, you weren't worth the trip? That's insulting and offensive, and I would not want them at my wedding. Good riddance, I say.
    True friends and supports will be with you on your day. And I would recommend direct responses, rather than filtered through Mom. Who knows what reality and what's in her head...
    Keep you eye on the prize: Mr. Pug.

    Gen & the Foo

  11. In response to agent99 I would like to remind everyone that we encouraged them all not to come if it was going to be a financial strain. Many were trying to make ends meet and were struggling with if they could afford to fly their family out, stay in a hotel, rent a car, buy a gift, etc. I expected about 20-25 so 9 was just a bit lower than I thought. It is in NO reflection of not having a party- my family care very much about me and we care about them and their BUDGET since we can understand being tight. I asked my mom to contact our relatives and she is doing it for me- I trust her more than anyone.

    My family are truly good people who care more about me and Mr Pug than anyone I know and are nothing like what was insinuated.

  12. I'm so sorry that you're facing the situation that you're facing right now, but I want to remind you that it's really ok to vent! If you don't get it out here, then it'll come out somewhere you don't want it to.

    I think that you are keeping a great attitude about it all, and if you need a day (or three) to feel sad about the outcome, even though you understand the circumstances. Keep your chin up and your eye on the prize!

  13. Aww that really sucks...but I totally understand where you are coming from. I also have about 9 people from my side coming and the other 20 or so people are from df's side. I understand as we are having a destination wedding, but no matter the really does suck!! People keep reminding me that no matter how many people attend, you are marrying the love of your life and that is what this is all about. Enjoy it!

  14. I've been whining about his side being larger than mine from the beginning. His comment "we'll just tell people to fill out both sides" Me: "you can't tell people that, there are traditions and we're getting married in a church. No one is going to be on my side and yours is going to be packed."

    It kind of just sucks. When you find a solution to that please blog it so I can follow suit! :)

    and I laughed out loud regarding your bad-haircut-reception-no-show story. ;)

  15. I think you handled this WAY better than I would have handled it. I would still be complaining now. And I don't know if I'd ever even want to speak to the MIL again. I'm still super annoyed at mine, and the things she did pale in comparison to this.

    So sorry your bridesmaid can't make it. x