Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The "B" Word

Ok, before I start talking about the dreaded "B" word, I have to share the cutest thing. Mr Pug saw me checking Weddingbee's boards this AM, and reading comments on my blog, and asked, "Should I just call you Miss Pug?" I nearly melted he is so cute!

I am going to go ahead and assume that no one likes talking about the "B" word. Yes THAT B-word, the pure evil one.... BUDGET.

Our main issue with the budget is not anything having to do with extravagence. Our venue is fairly affordable, and our biggest vendor cost- photography- is taken care of, as we paid our deposit with our tax return and then pay monthly, starting more than a year out. The biggest issue has been that whatever we spend, we need to multipy by the number of guests or tables... and that number is too big.

Ok, it's not actually SO bad. We planned on 200 for the wedding when we first looked at a list. And we know the B-word limits us to not give all of our guests the option to bring their own guest. I think our biggest challenge with the B-word is knowing what we can't do, that we would if we had endless money- like extravagent favors, transportation to the venue, and an unlimited, premium open bar. But we have to sacrifice and do small favors (donation to a charity), no transportation (but fun maps!), and a beer and wine bar (with cash option for other drinks). It's such a thin line between doing what we can, and wanting what we can't afford.

I think it bothers me for two reasons- first, we want to offer our loved ones our best. We want to wow them and have them say what great people we are! Not that they wouldn't say that to begin with- but when you plan every minute detail, you think they'll notice them too. Second, I've noticed that a lot of people do pull out all the stops, so certain people are used to that sort of experience. For some strange reason, nearly every friend of mine that was engaged or married in the past few years has had Daddy standing behind her with an open wallet. And I can't blame the Dad for wanting to, or blame daughter for accepting- but when the wallet is open, sometimes guests will get used to that sort of treatment. I went to a lovely wedding once with an old-fashioned trolley that took us from ceremony to reception. I wish! Or the candy buffets that Mr Pug and friends love so much... I hope no one expects that either. I guess by moving beyond these worries, you can come to terms with your B-word. I couldn't if it wasn't for Mr Pug's help and support. I tend to go mildly ape-$hit over small things (pardon my French) and he is there to ground me.

This brings me back to our one and only true B-word issue- guest count. I've come to the realization that my true loved ones who attend won't care if they are only sipping wine, not cosmos, or if they have to drive there. That makes me happy. But somehow... the guest list grows. Mr Pug and I have both received comments- some virtual, some in real life, some through others- about people being invited to the wedding. One I got on facebook was an old college friend who I never talk to, who said how suprising it was that I was engaged since she was the one with a boyfriend throughout college, and that she better be invited to the wedding. Excuse me? Maybe if The Donald was paying for my wedding and I could invite all my Facebook friends... riiiight. However there are some people we need to leave out even though we enjoy their company, just based on how large my family is. It's going to be a mostly-family wedding, with long-time and extra-close friends as well. We've had to politely let people know that our venue- and our budget- have a guest count limit and that we are having to limit our guest list. Luckily, everyone we've mentioned this to has been understanding... so far.

The B-word is evil. It causes hurt feelings and confusion. And our goal for August is going to be to whittle down the list... and we'll have to, since our Save The Dates will be going out as soon as we get our engagement photos from our photog!

How did you select your wedding guests? Did anyone invite themselves? What other things are contributing to any issues you might have with the B-word?

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